FORGIVENESS

In Total Forgiveness, R.T. Kendall using an example of Joseph relationship to his brother in expressing what it means to Totally Forgive.  He writes: “It’s no spiritual victory to think we are forgiving, when we are only avoiding facing up to their wrong behavior.� 
“FORGIVE, IF YE HAVE OUGHT AGAINST ANY� (Mk.11:25)
Before discussing what forgiveness is, here is what it is not:  (1) Approval!  Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery, but He didn’t approve of her sin. Listen: “Go, and sin no more.� (Jn.8:11)  (2) Excusing!  Why do we do that?  To make it easier for us to forgive!  (3)  Pardoning!  This is a legal term meaning: “to release from consequences.�  While you can’t impose your consequences on the offender, you can’t shield them from God’s dealings.  (4)  Reconciliation!   Reconciliation requires two people to agree.  What if one of them won’t?  (5)  Denying!  Only when we fully  acknowledge and come to terms with what was done to us, can we truly forgive.  (6) Forgetting!  It’s impossible to forget any significant event.  We chose to remember!
“We are saying ‘I want to forgive them but I don’t think I could of they actually did what it seems they did.’  So we postpone recognizing the true offense to keep from experiencing the pain.  Total Forgiveness is painful.  It hurts when we kiss revenge goodbye.  It hurts to think a person is getting away with what they did and that nobody else will ever find out.  But when we know fully what they did, and accept in our hearts that they’ll be blessed without any consequences [imposed by us], we cross over into the spiritual realm.  We begin to be a little more like Jesus, to change into the image of Christ.�
WHAT IS TOTAL FORGIVENESS?
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.� (Lk.23:34)
The ultimate proof of Total Forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition Our Father to let those who have hurt us off the hook – even if they have hurt not only us, but those also who are close to us.
MANDATE TO FOGIVE –
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ in God forgave you.�  (Eph.4:32)
WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT –
1.     Approval of what they did.
2.     Excusing what they did.
3.     Justifying what they did.
4.     Pardoning what they did.
5.     Reconciliation. (it takes two)
6.     Denying what they did.
7.     Blindness to what happened.
8.      Forgetting.
9.     Refusing to take the wrong seriously.
10.                        Pretending we are not hurt.
It is a demonstration of greater grace when we are fully aware of what occurred – and we chose to forgive.
WHAT TOTAL FORGIVE IS –
1.     Being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them.
2.     Choosing to keep no records of wrong.
3.     Refusing to punish.
4.     Not telling what they did.
5.     Being merciful.
6.     Graciousness.
7.     It is an inner condition.
8.     It is the absence of bitterness.
9.     Forgiving God.
10.                        Forgiving ourselves.
There is no lasting joy in forgiveness if it doesn’t include forgiving yourself.
Resigned to:
·        They won’t get caught or found out.
·        Nobody will ever know what they did.
·        They will prosper and be blessed as if they had done no wrong.
Forgiving those who have hurt.
Real reasons to forgive.
To move beyond hurt in Total Forgiveness.
The person who gain the most from forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving.
Blessing that comes to those who take Jesus’ teaching of Total Forgiveness seriously . . . receives a greater anointing.
Degrees of forgiveness:
1.     Detached – No reconciliation.
2.     Partial, limited – Relationship partially restored.
3.     Full Forgiveness – Relationship is fully restored.
Total Forgiveness even if there is not restoration of the relationship.  Forgive those who will not be reconciled.
What matters is the Holy Spirit is able to dwell in us ungrieved.
May I add: “Justified – Just as if I’d never sinned.�
“HAVE EVERYONE LEAVE MY PRESENCE.� (Gen.45:1)
Twenty two years after betraying him and selling him into slavery, Joseph’s brothers stand before him.  And now he’s Prime Minister of Egypt!  How would he deal with them?  Hat would you have done?  For the next few days let’s observe the life of Joseph and discover 7 ways to know you are walking in Total Forgiveness.
          You won’t tell!  Why did Joseph make everyone leave the room except his brothers?  To make sure no one would ever know what they’d done!  Joseph didn’t tell – and God doesn’t tell either.  Listen:  “Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depts. Of the sea.� (Mic.7:19)  God has enough on each of us to bury us, but He won’t tell.  So why do we?  To punish?  Listen:  “Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.� (I Jn.4:18NIV)  What are we afraid of?  That they’ll get away with it?  We want them punished, so we tell what was done to us.  And when we do, 2 things happen:  (1) We step into God’s territory!  God says, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.� (Ro.12:19)  Only God knows the weakness that caused them to do it, if they’ve truly repented, and the degree to which they’ve changed.  (2) We set the standard for our own judgment!  Listen: “You will be judged in the same way you judge others.� (Mt.7:2NCV)  Can you live with that?  If not, then carefully read these words: “Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you  in Christ.� (Eph.4:32NCV)
“THEY WERE VERY AFRAID OF HIM. SO JOSEPH SAID TO THEM, ‘COME CLOSE TO ME.’�  (Gen. 45:3,4NCV)
You won’t intimidate!  Why?  Because the Bible says, “There is no fear in love.� (IJn4:18)  Even though he holds their lives in his hands, Joseph approaches his brothers in tears of compassion.  Notice, he didn’t do the things we usually do when someone hurts us.  (1) Keep them at a distance.  (2) Remind them of his dream and their disbelief. (3) Enjoy watching them freeze in his presence.  (4) Gloat as they twist in the wind.  (5) Demand that they acknowledge his success.  (6) Say ‘I told you so!’  That’s because Joseph wanted to be loved, not feared.  He wanted restoration, not revenge.  He understood that the long term benefits of healing far outweigh the short-term satisfaction of revenge.  Bottom line: Joseph understood that by releasing them, he was setting himself free to be blessed!
          And isn’t that how God deals with us?  Listen: “For you did not receive. . . of fear, but you received the Spirit of son-ship, and by Him we cry, ‘Abba Father.’� (Ro.8:15NIV)  The word Abba simply means, “Daddy.�  How wonderful!  God doesn’t bring up our past.  He doesn’t keep us at arms length because of our imperfections.  No, He wants us to know that we can come to Him at any time, crawl up in His lap, feel secure in His everlasting arms and call Him “Daddy.�  And that’s the kind of love and forgiveness God wants us to show to others – a love that does not want them to feel afraid in our presence!
“BE NOT ANGRY WITH YOURELVES FOR SELLING ME.�  (Gen.45:5NIV)
You won’t guilt trip!  Imagine their guilt as Joseph’s brothers stood before him! But Joseph said: “Be not. . .  angry with yourselves. . . for God did send me before  you to preserve life.� (Ge.45:5)  Why do we guilt trip others?  Because we forgotten the grace we ourselves received when we didn’t have a leg to stand on.
          Our forgiveness is worthless unless it makes it possible for others to forgive themselves.  Self-forgiveness was Paul’s hurdle!  Listen: “I wasted the church� (Gal.1:13)  After imprisoning and beheading Christians he now preaches to them.  And who’s his audience?  The widows!  The orphans!
          The ancient Persians punished murderers by strapping the victim to their back.  It dragged them down, identified them with their past, the smell of it drove others away and eventually robbed them of their very life.  Was this what Paul had in mind when he said: “Who will rescue me from this body of death.� (Ro.7:24NIV)  Nothing is heavier than guilt.  It will (1) drag you down and turn living into merely existing; (2) cause you to leave a bad taste wherever you go.  Even your friends will become exhausted and say, ‘Get over it;’ (3) destroy every new relationship you’ve got.  Who wants a person a person having an affair with a corpse?  You’d only be using the new to numb the pain of the old; (4) shorten your life because you aren’t built to carry it.  Cut it loose!  Cry if you need to, but when the grieving is over bury it and move on.  And that is what real forgiveness does for others!
“IT WAS NOT YOU THAT SENT ME HITHER, BUT GOD.� (Gen.45:8)
“You’ll let them save face!  Joseph’s brothers listen in amazement as he says, “It was not you that sent me hither, but God.�  Is he serious?  “God did it?�  This takes forgiveness to new level!  Saving face – that’s what God let’s us do!  With full knowledge of our sinful past and our present struggles, He covers us with grace.  And He expects us to do the same for others.  You can make a friend for life by allowing them to save face.
          Reading the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew, Chapter 1, you might think the sin of adultery between David and Bathsheba was part of the divine strategy all along.  Of course it wasn’t, and David paid a high price.  Yet Matthew records these events as thought they were supposed to happen in just that way.
          For the one who really forgives from the heart, there’s no place for self-righteousness.  We’re able to forgive because: (a) we remember what we ourselves have been forgiven of; (b) we acknowledge what we’re capable of; (c) we see God’s hand at work in the bigger picture; (d) when we come through it we’re wiser, stronger and more Christ-like.  So Joseph wasn’t being condescending or patronizing; nor was he thinking, “I’ll be admired for being so gracious.�  No, during his years in prison God had operated on his heart and changed his attitude.  So when he said, “You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.� (Ge.50:20NASB)  Joseph did mean it.  And that is real forgiveness!
(May I inject a side note?  Why hadn’t Joseph sent any contact in all those years to his family if he had such power to do so?  Didn’t he think it would be expected of him?  Could it be thought of as accusation causing conflict?) 
Do you have any thoughts on R.T. Kendall’s Total Forgiveness? 
“GO UP TO MY FATHER, AND SAY UNTO HIM, ‘THUS SAITH THY SON JOSEPH.’�  (Gen.45:9)
          You’ll protect them from their greatest fear!  Not only did Joseph forgive his brothers, he anticipated their worst nightmare – having to go back to tell their father what they had done to him 22 years before.  But Joseph is a step ahead of them; he tells them what to say – and what not to say!  Joseph knew that practicing forgiveness doesn’t mean destroying others in the process!  “I think they should have been forced to confess what they’d done to their father,� you say.  Really?  Wouldn’t that have given the old man and even greater problem – struggling over regret over his lost years with Joseph, not to mention having to fight bitterness toward his other sons?  Joseph was wise.  And it made his brothers respect him more.
          There’s a difference between confessing and “dumping!�  Hearts have been broken and lives irreparably damaged because someone sought relief by dumping the details of their guilt on somebody who couldn’t handle them!  Sometimes confessing is the proper route – but only after talking with an experienced counselor or spiritual advisor.  Note: after David had sinned with Bathsheba he wrote: “Against you [God], and you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.� (Ps.51:4NIV)  When you consider that God knows all about your sin yet promises to keep it a closely guarded secret, it (a) should increase your gratitude exponentially; (b) cause you to keep your mouth shut; (c) make you refuse to hold anybody else’s sins or shortcomings over their head.
“AND HE REASURED THEM.�  (Gen.50:21)
You must make it a life-long commitment.  Seventeen years after reuniting with his long-lost son Joseph, Jacob dies, and Joseph’s brothers suddenly panic!  Listen: “When Joseph’s brother saw that their father was dead they said, ‘What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?’�  (Ge.50:15NIV)  So they concocted a story and sent word to Joseph saying: “Your father left these instructions before he died. . . forgive your brothers the sins and wrongs they committed in treating you badly.� (Ge.50:16,17NIV)  Now if their father had really said this he wouldn’t have told Joseph’s brothers, he’d have told Joseph himself before he died.  He wouldn’t have gone to his grave with the fear that Joseph would exact revenge.  When Joseph heard that his brothers doubted his forgiveness, he wept and told them: “Don’t be afraid.  I will provide for you and your children.  And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.� (Ge.50:19-21NIV)  Notice the words “he reassured them.�
Real forgiveness is a life-long commitment!  You must practice every day until you die.  No one ever said it would be easy.  If Jesus waited until His enemies repented, he’d never have prayed, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.� (Lk.23:34NJKV)  Sure it’s easier to forgive when others acknowledge their offense, but if That’s the prerequisite you may never experience victory!  And what you don’t forgive, you relive!  So for your own sake, forgive, take back your life and begin walking in the blessings of the Lord!
         
(Conclusion – Real Forgiveness)
“BLESS THOSE WHO CURSE YOU, PRAY FOR THOSE WHO MISTREAT YOU,�  (Lk.6:28)
You must pray for them to be blessed!  Are you serious?  Absolutely!  Real forgiveness is difficult because: (a) it goes against our strong impulses;  (b) nobody else will ever know we forgave the offense;  (c) our hearts could break if God blesses the offender in answer to our prayers, and as if they’d never sinned against us.
          Praying like this, to quote John Calvin: “Is exceedingly difficult.�  Chrysostom called it “the highest summit of self-control.�  Job’s suffering didn’t end until he prayed for those “friends� who had become his thorn in the flesh (See Job 42:10)  When we are able to pray this way we’re becoming more like our Heavenly Father.  Listen: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you, and persecute you; that you may be children of your Father which is in Heaven.� (Mt.5:44,45)
          If you’re saying: “How can anybody live that way?�  look at the life – and the death – of Stephen.  While his enemies were stoning him he prayed, :Lord, do not hold this sin against them.� (Acts 7:60NIV)  Therein lay the secrets of his great effectiveness.  So if you’re asking, “How can I know I’m walking in real forgiveness?�  The answer is: (1) you won’t tell;  (2) you won’t intimidate;  (3) you won’t guilt trip;  (4) you’ll let them save face;  (5) you’ll protect them from their greatest fear;  (6) you’ll do it for life;  (7) you’ll pray for them to be blessed.